Listen to the song here: "Searching for Answers"
As a young boy, I always saw adults as smart and wise. Children often wonder what it would be like to be older and have all the answers. Now, my parents may not agree that I thought that during my teenage years, but generally, I feel like most Christian children acknowledge the Christian adults in their life as knowledgeable.
Back in 2016, I remember having a discussion with my mother. I don't remember the context of the whole conversation but I remember my mother saying something that shattered my lifelong idea of the knowledge of my elders. She said "I feel like the older I get, the more questions I have." Umm excuse me? My mom is supposed to have all the answers! She and my dad are the ones I go to for help and here she is admitting that she doesn't have the answers! Thanks mom! Although this haunting revelation was rather deflating, I came to find her words interesting and decided to adapt them to the bridge of a song I was working on called "Use Me, Lord". This is what I wrote:
"I thought when I got older
I would have it figured out
But now I have more questions
About what life's about
So I'll put all my trust in You
I know You will follow through"
Consider that a sneak peak to a song slated for an upcoming album! Anyway, my mother gets the credit for inspiring that part of the song. Let's step forward to 2018. I was listening to political talk show host Glenn Beck. Beck was speaking on the value of learning and studying. He talked about the many books he read and studied in an attempt to learn as much as he could. After summing up his thoughts on the subject, Beck said, "You know, the more that I learn and read, the less I think I actually know!" I was instantly reminded of my mother's words two years prior and the song that I had left unfinished. So I continued to ponder this thought. Wouldn't knowledge give you the answers to the questions? If this is the case, maybe ignorance truly is bliss. Eventually, my pondering led me to write these four lines:
"I'm searching for answers, always trying to grow.
The more that I learn, the less that I know.
I will continue to seek so that I may find
The answers I'm searching for"
During his monologue, Mr. Beck also spoke on the importance of keeping an open mind while studying. A closed mind prevents finding truth. You see, we all have our own personal biases, life experiences, thoughts and feelings. Those all become a lens that we look through constantly. Once you shatter that lens, you can see words or hear conversations for what they truly are. Have you ever read a Bible verse a thousand and one times, but the thousand and second time, you read it like you've never read it before? Maybe it's finally because you approached it with a clear mind, empty of bias. This led me to lay down the lines for the first verse:
"I look into my own eyes
Unsure how to read my own mind
Trying so hard not to be so blind
To the answers that I try to find"
Sometimes we get so caught up in the search, we forget that the way we search matters. So why do we have these biases? Why is it so difficult to be open minded? Maybe it's pride in ourselves. Maybe it's because we want scripture to support our own idea of ourselves and how we want to appear to others. Maybe it's the lies that we tell ourselves that prevent us from seeing truth. Truth can be difficult to come face to face with sometimes. From these ideas came verse two:
"I look into my own eyes
(Deep down inside of me)
I try to swallow and accept all my pride
(Pride will come before my fall)
I try to peel off and remove my disguise
(I can't be somebody else)
And look for truth without seeing my lies
(Truth is blinded by my desire) "
I was pleased with the words I wrote and I hope they convey the right message to the listener (or reader, in this case). But this song needed a bridge. Something that was a little more inspiring than the verses. I thought back to one of the best lessons my dad ever taught me. This lesson came in in two simple sentences that his father told him: "Make your faith YOUR faith. Don't believe something just because I told it to you." While these words resonate in my mind in my dad's voice, they are laced with my grandpa's wisdom. Hopefully I captured that wisdom with the following words:
"Not just what my parents say (What does God say?)
Not just what my preacher says (What does scripture say?)
I've got to find out on my own
Always contemplating
Always deliberating
I have to find out what He wants for me"
At no point in our lives will we reach an age when we no longer need to learn and grow. If we feel ourselves that we know all we need to know, we get complacent and stagnant. Complacency breeds laziness. Laziness keeps us from hearing fruit. We must always be diligent in prayer and study. But the way we study also matters. Open minds, open hearts, and open souls are required for to be able to properly search for truth. Finding truth first starts with God and His Word.
Now, I want to explain the musical side of "Searching for Answers". You may notice some parts of this song don't sound phenomenal or in key. You would be right. It sounds weird but I promise, it's on purpose. Life can be weird sometimes. Our lifelong search for the answers we need isn't always easy or pretty. We can go from moments of clarity to feeling like we are staring into a West Texas dust storm in seconds. I wanted the music to reflect that with moments of solid chords that move to crunchy sounds that you hope don't last, and back to solid again. Some of the harmonies are purposefully left incomplete, leaving you pleased but not satisfied. It's like reading a Bible passage that gives you a very satisfying, but incomplete feeling. The missing piece of the thought sits on the tip of your tongue just waiting to be seen so it can send you over the edge into clarity. Hopefully, the notes and chord progressions I have chosen give you this impression, but it's up to you to find out what this song means to you.
Thank you for reading and listening. I hope you'll share this song with others! God bless!
-Jenson Bailey
Copyright 2020 Bayleaf Studios
Listen to the song here: “Searching for Answers”