Remember, you can listen to "In My Weakness (Lift My Head)" and the rest of the Reflections album on February 22, 2021 on your favorite media platform!
A child sits alone on his bed. His father towers over him. Soft whimpers can be heard coming from the child as a few tears run down his cheek. He knows he messed up. He knew it before his father began to lecture him on the wrongness of his actions. When the father is done, a soft apology is heard from the child. The father asks the child to look him in the eye, but he cannot lift his head. The shame is too great. He cannot bear to see the disappointment in his father's eyes. So the father reaches down with a gentle hand and lifts up on the child's chin, their eyes meeting. There is nothing but forgiveness in his father's eyes. It is comforting. The child apologizes again. The father reminds the child that he loves him and they embrace.
This is a heartwarming scene to imagine. That's why I tried to capture it into a song. Particularly the moment before the father lifts the child's head to be able to see his eyes. But there is more to this song than just that story. Just like most of my songs, this song was born from a personal experience.
It was late. I had been doing my evening Bible study over the phone with a friend (technology can be wonderful!). After that, we would both take turns praying before hanging up to go to bed. But this night, I couldn't bring myself to pray. I don't know why. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence for me. Prayer has always been a big weakness of mine. I can't seem to find words when I need them or express what I need to express. This may be why I tend to write quite a few prayer songs. It's easier for me to express myself to God in song than in spoken word. So, the following today, I tried to put my feelings to song in the simplest way I could. It only took me a couple hours.
"In my weakness, lift my head
In my drowning, be my breath
In frustration, be my control
And in my weakness, lift my head
In my frailty, be my strength
In my failings, be my win
In my sin Lord set me free!
And in my weakness, lift my head"
Simple and to the point, these words reflect my feelings. My weakness in my inability to pray, drowning in my un-expressed emotion, and my deep frustration at myself for being this way. For all those negatives, I need God to be the opposites, to fill my gaps. That won't happen without effort on my part, though. I won't magically be better at praying simply because I wrote a song about it. I must work on my weaknesses, and He will be the strength to do so. And at times of failure, I know He will lift my head up and I will see nothing but forgiveness in my Father's eyes.
-JB